Tuesday 19 July 2011

#2 squeezing out a smile.


was feeling down lately, 
about the uncertain future, past memories and my health. 

cant sense the happiness

but when i was on the bus today, 
i saw the reflection of myself on the window
i thought: 
who is this sad girl?
i thought i have left her in 2010, 
why is she doing here?

then i put one a smile on my face, 
hard.
strangely i feels like to giggling. 
like all the worries vanished, 
and it feels great. 

remind me when i was leaving my host family in bournemouth, 
they told me to put on the smile all the time, 
its not because i have a poker face, 
it's because it suits me. 

it's a part of me, 
the part that i want to be seen all the time.
the part that makes me being Eileen. 




最近心情比較低沈
擔心著未知的未來, 過去的過錯, 與現在免疫系統低的身體

好像有點開心不起來

但今天在回家的公車上
看見反射在窗上的自己
心想:
這是誰這麼消極?
我不是已經把她留在了2010了嗎?
怎麼會出現在這裡

看著自己
很努力的擠出笑容
那表情的轉換讓我覺得有趣
微笑也就自然的掛上了
同時擔心也莫名的不知了去向

讓我回想起英國的寄宿家庭,
在我離開前告訴我
不管以後碰到什麼事, 都要時刻保持著我的笑容

並不是我天生一付苦瓜臉
相反的
笑容是我臉上不可或缺的一部份
是Eileen的最佳招牌。

x
cheers.


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