#2 squeezing out a smile.

was feeling down lately, 

about the uncertain future, past memories and my health. 

cant sense the happiness

but when i was on the bus today, 

i saw the reflection of myself on the window

i thought: 

who is this sad girl?

i thought i have left her in 2010, 

why is she doing here?

then i put one a smile on my face, 

hard.

strangely i feels like to giggling. 

like all the worries vanished, 

and it feels great. 

remind me when i was leaving my host family in bournemouth, 

they told me to put on the smile all the time, 

its not because i have a poker face, 

it's because it suits me. 

it's a part of me, 

the part that i want to be seen all the time.

the part that makes me being Eileen. 

最近心情比較低沈

擔心著未知的未來, 過去的過錯, 與現在免疫系統低的身體

好像有點開心不起來

但今天在回家的公車上

看見反射在窗上的自己

心想：

這是誰這麼消極？

我不是已經把她留在了2010了嗎？

怎麼會出現在這裡

看著自己

很努力的擠出笑容

那表情的轉換讓我覺得有趣

微笑也就自然的掛上了

同時擔心也莫名的不知了去向

讓我回想起英國的寄宿家庭,

在我離開前告訴我

不管以後碰到什麼事, 都要時刻保持著我的笑容

並不是我天生一付苦瓜臉

相反的

笑容是我臉上不可或缺的一部份

是Eileen的最佳招牌。

x

cheers.

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